Only Smart Men Will Need This Video
Pat examines what to do when your behavior contradicts your values and introduces a small daily action for closing that gap.
The Fathers Guild / The library
Tools for the work of fatherhood.
Pat examines what to do when your behavior contradicts your values and introduces a small daily action for closing that gap.
Pat uses the tools in his workshop to explain how to pick a personal development tool, practice with it, and apply it to a real problem.
Pat explores what drives compulsive drinking, porn use, and scrolling and offers questions for identifying the need or feeling behind the urge.
Pat tells the story of how The Fathers Guild began and how his own work as a father shaped its purpose.
Pat explains who The Fathers Guild community is for and how its conversations, challenges, and accountability support fathers who want to grow.
Pat reacts to a Dude Dad video on why some fathers lack close friends and talks through how shared activities can make it easier to build friendships.
Pat recounts a conflict over homeschool work and reflects on staying calm, listening to his son, and choosing a proportionate consequence.
Taz Barber talks with Pat about feeling like she’s failing as a mom after a hard stretch and how she thinks about the needs of their four kids.
Pat addresses what gets in the way of journaling and offers a way to start reflecting regularly.
Pat shares what helped him handle four common transitions in fatherhood, from messy diaper changes and apologizing after an outburst to shifts in intimacy and identity.
It's hard to apologize, but learning when and how is essential.
A preview of The Fathers Guild retreat and the space it gives dads to step away from their routines, reflect, and spend time with other fathers.
Pat walks through his reaction to a critical comment about knowledge and wisdom, using the exchange to practice noticing his defensiveness before he responds.
Reflecting on turning 40, Pat explains what maturity can look like in training, money, and giving and receiving love.
Using a clip of Chris Williamson, Pat reflects on how accepting that you’re enough can help you receive love and appreciate the life you already have.
Pat looks at three patterns fathers can pass on through their example, including how they handle health habits, the pursuit of money, and their sense of agency.
Pat examines how fragility can show up in a man’s response to pressure and uses it as a prompt for assessing where he needs to grow.
Pat explains how consistency turns the belief that you can change and an understanding of stress and recovery into progress you can see.
Pat explains the expectations of The Fathers Guild and the kind of commitment to practice and accountability the community asks of fathers.
Pat explains how stress from elsewhere in a parent’s day can lead to an outsized consequence and shares how to repair after overreacting.
Pat uses the image of carrying a 50-pound bomb to talk about the weight of responsibility and when to rest or ask for help.
Pat asks parents to list the qualities they hope their children develop, then look at which of those qualities they need to model more consistently themselves.
Pat shows how taking a breath, counting, or stepping away briefly can create enough space to choose a better response in a heated parenting moment.
Pat asks Taz what she thinks of his No Yell Challenge and invites her to share what she’s noticed at home.
Pat reflects on the example fathers set and what it means to expect more of himself in everyday family life.
Pat argues that communication, genuine connection, and taking action are especially valuable when information is easy to find.
Pat calls on fathers to pay attention to the work they do on their character and habits behind closed doors.
Pat describes mature masculinity as combining strength and power with warmth, playfulness, and a willingness to let people in.
Pat talks about the unconditional love fathers feel for their children and how it can motivate them to grow.
Pat reflects on learning to pay attention to how his behavior lands with others, alongside understanding his own intentions.
Pat encourages viewers to use their own judgment when deciding which ideas to adopt, including the ones he shares.
Pat asks fathers to develop their physical, emotional, and relational capacities so their kids have a stronger example to build from.
Pat describes the Fathers Guild as a place to test personal changes, ask honest questions, and find other men to hold you accountable.
Pat describes the range authoritative parenting asks of adults, including clear rules, compassion, playfulness, and consistent standards.
A Donovan Owens podcast preview on personal principles and the daily practices that help men live by them.
Pat considers how easy access to AI-generated answers could affect independent judgment and the value of lived experience.
A podcast excerpt about keeping purpose, close relationships, and adventure in view alongside financial success.
Pat and Ben Skutnik discuss testing the answers you get, checking your reasoning with other people, and changing course when the evidence calls for it.
A clip promoting the Donovan Owens episode about building routines and applying principles in daily life.
Pat asks prospective parents to prepare for the stress and relationship demands of having children alongside the financial ones.
A preview of Donovan Owens’s conversation with Pat about accountability, personal systems, and practicing the kind of man you want to be.
Donovan Owens defines masculinity through the safety, support, resources, and accountability a man brings to the people around him.
A clip promoting Pat’s conversation with Donovan Owens on turning values and intentions into repeatable habits.
Pat looks at what notes left for a partner can reveal about trust, control, and how responsibility is shared at home.
A preview of Pat’s conversation with image consultant Phil Tarling about first impressions, family life, and being present.
Pat recalls a conversation with his wife about making choices with the health of their relationship in mind.
In a clip with Rob Bill Jr., the conversation turns to how trying to make family life go perfectly can create tension at home.
Pat reflects on how years of working through disagreements helped him and his wife communicate and make each other feel heard.
A Stefanos Sifandos podcast excerpt about two ingredients for personal growth.
A preview of Pat’s discussion with Stefanos Sifandos on emotional honesty, relationships, and personal growth.
Pat shares what he learned from retreats and conversations with dads about how common struggles with presence, communication, and health can be.
Pat discusses the place of grief in healing and what it means to make room for pain after a loss.
Pat talks about finding people who challenge you to grow as a father, partner, friend, and leader.
Pat explains how the first ideal of the Knights Radiant from The Stormlight Archive became part of The Fathers Guild’s values.
Pat encourages viewers to learn from advice and test whether it fits the real circumstances of their lives.
Pat introduces a community for dads to talk honestly, work on monthly challenges, and keep developing as fathers.
A podcast clip in which Pat calls on fathers to take ownership of the work their families benefit from.
Pat reflects on why he follows conversations about the manosphere and what he hopes men can take from those conversations for their families.
Pat reflects on slowing down, owning a mistake, and staying connected so both the apology and the lesson have room to land.
Pat explains why honesty with himself and with other people is foundational to the way he wants to develop as a man and father.
Pat thanks Frank and reflects on the value of meeting men who are working to show up better in their relationships.
Pat discusses finding a community that fits your circumstances and asking other people for support when you need it.
Darren Silver talks about nature, awareness, and choosing what kind of father and partner you want to become.
Pat shares what five days away from screens and usual routines felt like while hosting an off-grid gathering for fathers.
Pat challenges the idea that yelling builds strong children and discusses the strength it takes to manage his own reactions.
Pat explains why he returned to social media after three years away and started sharing his own perspective on fatherhood.
Pat answers why he still posts despite his reservations about social media and talks about creating The Fathers Guild in response.
Pat reflects on the responsibility of becoming the kind, capable man his kids can look to as an example.
Pat discusses considering feedback from others while keeping responsibility for how he sees and evaluates himself.
Don Ross outlines five qualities his men’s groups work to develop, including courage, practical skill, and honor.
Pat invites dads to a retreat where they can step away from daily demands, reflect, and spend time with other fathers.
Pat discusses the role of close male friendships and accountability in maintaining a sense of honor through adulthood.
Pat discusses how taking action and holding one another accountable in a men’s group can help people sustain change.
Pat describes how working on his own habits makes parenting easier as his children take cues from what he does.
Pat invites fathers to take on The Hero’s Journey and consider the part they want to play in their family’s story.
Pat asks parents to set boundaries around phones and protect children’s attention from highly stimulating content.
Pat discusses why being honest about vulnerability can help men develop the strength to face difficult things.
Pat discusses using skepticism to learn and recognizing when taking a contrary position stops helping him see the issue more clearly.
Pat talks about his experience with anxiety and the role of admitting fear and asking for support in becoming a steadier leader.
Pat asks viewers to examine what is driving their desire for intimacy and how that awareness can inform a relationship.
Pat shares how one-on-one conversations and replies to direct messages can reveal more about people than their public comments.
Pat reflects on three years of changing how he approaches himself and his family, including becoming more curious about the people around him.
Pat reflects on why he evaluates how safe and dependable he is through his behavior and the people who know him well.
Blake Kasemeier discusses how art and language help people share experiences and how that ability carries into parenting.
Pat reflects on giving his family more of his attention and energy and uses journaling to see where that needs work.
Pat shares how his children’s feedback about his yelling led him to try a 30-day challenge with a $5 penalty.
Devin Linder discusses using visualization and accountability to make a career and life change he had been thinking about.
Pat argues that experience and practice are how information becomes wisdom a father can use.
Pat reflects on choosing friends who support his growth and influence how he shows up for his family.
Pat asks viewers what quality or practice they think helps a good man grow into a great one.
Pat encourages fathers who know they have work to do to take it seriously because their children are watching how they respond.
Pat talks about finding examples of honor, masculinity, and fatherhood in epic fantasy books.
In a conversation with @tfitx, Pat talks about living with intention and what discipline and purpose look like for a father.
Pat reflects on reviewing past failures with grace, recognizing his part in recurring patterns, and using that knowledge to become more accountable.
Pat calls for a deliberate approach to masculinity built around discipline, responsibility, and purposeful action.
Pat explains his aim of helping men become more resilient and more available to the people they love.
A preview of Pat’s conversation with Michael Hustle about fatherhood, masculinity, and the way men develop.
Pat announces three summer men’s retreats and explains the limited group size and what he asks participants to bring to the experience.
Pat invites a creator to have an open disagreement and explains why he thinks constructive conflict can teach both people something.
Pat reflects on mistakes he made using love languages and how his understanding of them matured through his relationships.
Pat questions judging masculinity by color choices or language and asks viewers to think about where actual strength comes from.
Pat encourages men to support one another by being honest, reflecting, and showing up when it matters.
On Marc LaFleur’s podcast, Pat talks about working on the example he sets and how small changes can affect the children watching him.
Pat discusses asking people close to you for honest feedback about your behavior and listening long enough to learn from it.
Pat reflects on how wanting his children to have a better example gives him a strong reason to work through difficult changes.
Pat reflects on the kind of strength and physical capability that can help men serve and protect their families.
Pat reflects on his “Harder to Kill, Easier to Love” motto as a reminder to develop strength and remain open to others.
Pat reflects on hearing a different view as a chance to discuss an idea and learn what someone else sees in it.
Pat appreciates friends who point out something he is missing in a way that makes it easier for him to hear it.
Pat reflects on how he and his wife work through awkward conversations and the closeness they can gain from doing it.
Pat uses a sheepdog analogy to reflect on combining real strength with gentleness when talking about masculinity.
Pat reflects on how letting go of the need to win arguments helped him communicate more humbly with his wife.
Pat reflects on his own work to model both strength and kindness for the boys he is raising.
Pat discusses making blacksmithing part of a future fatherhood retreat and why working with metal feels meaningful to him.
Pat reflects on what happened when he started letting go of small disagreements and how his wife’s willingness to do the same helped them grow.
Pat discusses using love languages to understand how a partner receives care and to notice when your usual way of expressing it misses them.
Pat reflects on how acknowledging weakness honestly can help fathers learn to respond better under pressure.
Pat reflects on the value of telling the truth when it is difficult and on teaching honesty by practicing it around children.
Pat responds to questions about whether his $5 No Yell Challenge gives his children an incentive to provoke him and explains how he set the rules.
Pat describes using his No Yell Challenge to practice holding a boundary and disciplining his children with a calmer response.
Pat reflects on vulnerability as being willing to see what needs work and take on the challenge of changing it.
Pat discusses recognizing false choices in online arguments and looking for an option beyond domination or submission.
Pat reflects on a harsh comment and considers what it takes to repair a relationship when people are willing to try.
Pat explains why a consequence should fit the behavior and why it matters to own it when your reaction goes too far.
Pat and Taz discuss how children can hear an intense tone as anger and how changing delivery can build more trust.
Pat expands on his 50-pound-bomb analogy for carrying responsibility and recognizing when to rest or ask someone for help.
Pat encourages viewers to consider someone’s broader context before drawing conclusions about them from a brief clip.
Pat reflects on his default response to conflict and how learning to adjust it improved his marriage.
Pat encourages viewers to ask how a study was done, funded, and framed before relying on claims about what it shows.
Pat describes accepting responsibility for your actions and your life as an important step toward maturity.
Pat talks about aligning his actions with what he says and modeling that kind of honesty for his children.
Pat describes staying calm and curious in disagreement so it becomes a chance for both people to learn.
Pat shares a reminder from @save.your.sons about how a partner, friends, and everyday habits can shape the direction of your life.
A discussion about treating marriage as teamwork and using communication and counseling to work through difficult periods.
Pat describes telling his kids how he feels so they can understand what is going on and learn to talk about their own emotions.
The speaker discusses rebuilding a sense of identity after divorce and adjusting to spending less time with his children day to day.
Pat reflects on how parenting has changed him as a friend, spouse, and leader, and on the role his circumstances play in that experience.
A reflection on working through a difficult period of marriage and putting effort into becoming partners again.
Pat reflects on learning to notice how someone else wants to be treated and adjusting how you show up for them.
Pat asks prospective parents to consider their health, stress management, values, and connection alongside money when deciding if they are ready for children.
Pat describes vulnerability as being honest about needing help and turning to people who can support you.
Pat talks about holding a strong opinion and speaking respectfully with someone who sees things differently.
Pat discusses seeking out conversations with people who hold different views and using disagreement to examine what you believe.
Pat explains how listening to another person’s perspective can reveal something you missed and strengthen the relationship.
Pat reflects on staying engaged in life by testing your limits, helping other people, and continuing to ask questions.
Pat uses a Marcus Aurelius passage to reflect on finding meaning through service, freedom, and humility.
A brief fatherhood reflection on taking responsibility for your actions and being honest about what you need to change.
Choose your focus