Helicopter parents won't like these, but good parents will
Pat uses child-friendly kitchen knives to show how involving kids in real household tasks can build skill, confidence, and a sense of contribution.
The Fathers Guild / The library
Tools for the work of fatherhood.
Pat uses child-friendly kitchen knives to show how involving kids in real household tasks can build skill, confidence, and a sense of contribution.
Pat tells the story of how The Fathers Guild began and how his own work as a father shaped its purpose.
An introduction to the father-son retreat, where dads and sons mark the transition toward adulthood through shared challenges and conversations about responsibility.
Pat discusses a father’s responsibility to protect his family and create enough emotional safety at home for his partner and kids to disagree with him.
Pat explains who The Fathers Guild community is for and how its conversations, challenges, and accountability support fathers who want to grow.
Pat coaches his sons through their first attempts at the Olympic snatch and shows what teaching a new lift to kids looks like in practice.
Pat recounts a conflict over homeschool work and reflects on staying calm, listening to his son, and choosing a proportionate consequence.
Pat builds on Chris Williamson’s idea of a “F*ck You Family” and explores the freedom that can come from commitment, purpose, and a strong family life.
Taz Barber talks with Pat about feeling like she’s failing as a mom after a hard stretch and how she thinks about the needs of their four kids.
Pat and Taz share their different readings of a conflict with one of their sons and talk through disagreements about parenting and family routines.
Pat shares what helped him handle four common transitions in fatherhood, from messy diaper changes and apologizing after an outburst to shifts in intimacy and identity.
A preview of The Fathers Guild retreat and the space it gives dads to step away from their routines, reflect, and spend time with other fathers.
Taz explains how the Barbers structure a day of loose homeschooling, including what their sons work on and where the family leaves room for flexibility.
Pat looks at three patterns fathers can pass on through their example, including how they handle health habits, the pursuit of money, and their sense of agency.
Pat explains the expectations of The Fathers Guild and the kind of commitment to practice and accountability the community asks of fathers.
Pat explains how being honest with kids about why you hold a view and making room for other perspectives can help preserve trust through the teen years.
Pat gives a father-of-four perspective on feeding children, covering the choices parents face around meals and kids’ eating habits.
Pat reflects on miscarriage from a father’s perspective and the way pregnancy loss affects dads and their partners.
Pat explains how stress from elsewhere in a parent’s day can lead to an outsized consequence and shares how to repair after overreacting.
Pat talks through how he decides what limits to set around TV and sugary foods for his children.
Pat explores the decision to have more children and the way a growing family reshapes daily life and the experience of parenting.
Pat shares an Instagram message and the advice his community offered in response to a difficult question about having children.
Pat argues that giving kids room to handle age-appropriate risk helps them learn judgment and develop confidence in their own abilities.
Pat asks parents to list the qualities they hope their children develop, then look at which of those qualities they need to model more consistently themselves.
Pat reflects on the leap from one child to multiple children and what changes when parents take on a larger family.
Pat explains how he decides when to say no to requests for sweets, screens, and similar treats, and why following through matters.
Pat recommends giving a child a clear apology first and saving the conversation about what they could do differently for another moment.
Pat shows how taking a breath, counting, or stepping away briefly can create enough space to choose a better response in a heated parenting moment.
Pat asks Taz what she thinks of his No Yell Challenge and invites her to share what she’s noticed at home.
Pat reflects on the example fathers set and what it means to expect more of himself in everyday family life.
Pat explains what pushed him to start a community for fathers and how shared challenges, reflection, and accountability would help members practice together.
A preview of Pat’s podcast conversation with Lamont Lomax on fatherhood, co-parenting, and relationships.
A clip promoting the Lamont Lomax episode on staying present and influential in your children’s lives.
Pat urges fathers to model responsible use of strength and talk with their boys about how to handle growing power.
Pat explains how stepping in to do every task can undermine a child’s confidence in their ability to figure it out.
Pat gives a quick look at the child-friendly knives he tried and points to his longer video about kids helping in the kitchen.
A clip from the Brennan Falks episode on how parents teach, guide, and model the values they want their kids to learn.
Pat applies five familiar principles to parenting, including interpreting a child’s behavior in light of skills they are still learning.
Pat proposes trying a daily five- to ten-second hug with your partner and kids to build more connection at home.
Pat talks about the unconditional love fathers feel for their children and how it can motivate them to grow.
Pat reflects on the long-term effects of organizing family life around a child’s every want.
A preview of Jamie Glowacki and Pat’s discussion of parental authority, boundaries, and responsibility at home.
Pat explains how natural consequences can help children learn, especially when the parent stays matter-of-fact.
A light moment about a son’s angry words and how their meaning changes as kids grow and gain perspective.
A clip promoting the Jamie Glowacki conversation on family boundaries, communication, and personal responsibility.
Pat explains how letting his sons handle packing food for the beach helped them learn to take responsibility for it.
A preview of Pat and Jason Lewis discussing connection, curiosity, and the work of fatherhood.
Pat discusses the difference between staying reachable and giving kids unrestricted smartphone access, with basic phones as an option.
Pat describes how an encouraging mother can help children trust their abilities when they are about to try something challenging.
Pat describes authoritative parenting as pairing a child’s opportunity to struggle with support they can count on.
Pat asks parents to choose tactics that help the relationship work over time, even when they require more effort upfront.
Pat explains how parents can be friendly and supportive while still making the decisions children need adults to make.
Pat asks fathers to develop their physical, emotional, and relational capacities so their kids have a stronger example to build from.
Pat reacts to a Purpose Driven Family clip that illustrates authoritative parenting through a combination of firmness and kindness.
Pat and Taz talk through how to consider having another child when parenting one already feels difficult.
Pat describes the range authoritative parenting asks of adults, including clear rules, compassion, playfulness, and consistent standards.
Pat explains how putting work into structure and autonomy early can make parenting easier as children become more capable.
Pat questions claims that physical punishment is required to raise good children and discusses the need to match discipline to the child.
Pat asks prospective parents to prepare for the stress and relationship demands of having children alongside the financial ones.
Pat encourages parents to let children help with age-appropriate tasks so they can build confidence through experience.
Pat urges partners to agree on what they want for their kids and decide which boundaries and follow-through will support it.
Pat introduces the four parenting styles and explains the balance of warmth and structure he aims for as an authoritative parent.
Pat shares how advance notice, letting children turn off the TV, and offering an active transition can ease the end of screen time.
Pat explains how children benefit from boundaries that give them room to develop and invites parents to reflect on their default level of control.
Pat responds to a dad who feels like a failure when he can’t buy things for his kids and considers what time and attention can give them.
In a clip with Rob Bill Jr., the conversation turns to how trying to make family life go perfectly can create tension at home.
Pat shares what he learned from retreats and conversations with dads about how common struggles with presence, communication, and health can be.
Pat makes the case for a phone-free dinner table as time to slow down and connect with the people in front of you.
Pat introduces a community for dads to talk honestly, work on monthly challenges, and keep developing as fathers.
A podcast clip in which Pat calls on fathers to take ownership of the work their families benefit from.
Pat discusses giving children a chance to do something difficult and discover their ability to handle it.
Pat encourages fathers to examine their own comfort with risk and consider what their child is already capable of doing.
Pat reflects on why he follows conversations about the manosphere and what he hopes men can take from those conversations for their families.
Pat asks fathers to model an enjoyable relationship with exercise so their kids grow up seeing movement as something they can do for themselves.
Pat shares why he adjusts the way he asks and teaches across four children with different personalities and motivations.
Pat reflects on slowing down, owning a mistake, and staying connected so both the apology and the lesson have room to land.
Pat reflects on the patience and strength involved in raising four strong-willed boys with a deliberate approach to discipline.
Darren Silver talks about nature, awareness, and choosing what kind of father and partner you want to become.
Pat shares what five days away from screens and usual routines felt like while hosting an off-grid gathering for fathers.
Pat demonstrates distracting and redirecting a child as a way to move through a difficult moment.
Pat shares his aim of raising boys who have a sense of adventure and know how to treat others well.
Pat challenges the idea that yelling builds strong children and discusses the strength it takes to manage his own reactions.
Pat explains how including the other person in decisions and conversations builds a healthier relationship with a partner or child.
Pat explains why he returned to social media after three years away and started sharing his own perspective on fatherhood.
Pat answers why he still posts despite his reservations about social media and talks about creating The Fathers Guild in response.
Pat reflects on the responsibility of becoming the kind, capable man his kids can look to as an example.
Pat asks fathers to examine whether their behavior gives children the same example as the instructions they give them.
Pat discusses the effects of leaning heavily on phones and the role of parental attention, boundaries, and conversation in child development.
Pat explains how a series of smaller challenges gave his boys the confidence and skill to handle bigger ones.
Pat shares three strong parenting views, including giving kids chances to go barefoot and being honest with them about death.
Pat invites dads to a retreat where they can step away from daily demands, reflect, and spend time with other fathers.
Pat describes how working on his own habits makes parenting easier as his children take cues from what he does.
Pat explains why accepting the weight of fatherhood is central to the sense of freedom he describes in his family framework.
Pat asks parents to show their kids why a habit matters by practicing it themselves.
Pat invites fathers to take on The Hero’s Journey and consider the part they want to play in their family’s story.
Pat talks about helping each of his four boys put their energy to use while learning to handle limits.
Pat asks parents to set boundaries around phones and protect children’s attention from highly stimulating content.
Pat uses playful living-room challenges to give his kids practice trying hard, winning, and losing gracefully.
Pat reflects on the example he hopes his children can draw strength from after he dies.
Pat asks parents to consider what hovering, preventing risk, or taking over a task communicates about their child’s capability.
Joe and Ashley Jernigan explain how shared values can help parents make decisions and lead a family with a clearer purpose.
Pat and Taz discuss adapting their sleep approach when their fourth son responded differently from their other children.
Pat reflects on three years of changing how he approaches himself and his family, including becoming more curious about the people around him.
Pat reflects on what kind of success he wants his sons to have and the role a father plays in setting that example.
Blake Kasemeier and Pat discuss what it feels like when a father shows up at home with attention and genuine connection.
Blake Kasemeier discusses how art and language help people share experiences and how that ability carries into parenting.
Pat reflects on giving his family more of his attention and energy and uses journaling to see where that needs work.
Pat talks about taking responsibility for guiding children and how discussions about that role get interpreted as shaming.
Pat shares how his children’s feedback about his yelling led him to try a 30-day challenge with a $5 penalty.
Pat explains how he adapts the way he gets his sons’ attention, including a closer, more direct approach for one child.
Pat reflects on the trade-off between using a phone to buy a quiet moment and giving children room to handle boredom.
Pat shares a moment when his child confidently tells him how to do something and reflects on watching him find his own voice.
Pat credits Blake Kasemeier for a reminder that how fathers lead, love, and reflect becomes part of the example their children live with.
Pat reflects on choosing friends who support his growth and influence how he shows up for his family.
Pat reflects on encouraging his son to try something over many years and giving him room to choose when he was ready.
Pat highlights Taylor Negley as an example of how children learn from adults who put their values into practice.
Pat uses his young son’s idea of a superhero to reflect on being someone his children can look up to in daily life.
Pat shares a Dad Saves America quote and reflects on the influence strong fathers can have on their families.
A short introduction to Pat’s longer advice on discipline, intention, and the example fathers set at home.
Pat encourages fathers who know they have work to do to take it seriously because their children are watching how they respond.
Pat asks fathers to show their sons what strength, kindness, and facing difficulty look like through their daily actions.
In a conversation with @tfitx, Pat talks about living with intention and what discipline and purpose look like for a father.
Pat reflects on reviewing past failures with grace, recognizing his part in recurring patterns, and using that knowledge to become more accountable.
Pat highlights Birds & Bees as a resource for talking openly with children about sex and human development.
Pat explains his aim of helping men become more resilient and more available to the people they love.
Pat reminds parents to put devices aside and bring their attention back to the children in front of them.
A preview of Pat’s conversation with Michael Hustle about fatherhood, masculinity, and the way men develop.
Pat announces three summer men’s retreats and explains the limited group size and what he asks participants to bring to the experience.
Pat reflects on giving a child room to take a risk, watching the result, and using that feedback to build trust.
Pat highlights Erich Leidums’s perspective on giving children a childhood with outdoor adventure and room to build skills.
Pat discusses using love languages as a way to notice which small, intentional actions help each of his children feel cared for.
Pat reflects on how repeated interactions build a parent-child relationship and why he considers the whole pattern when reviewing his parenting.
Pat explains why he wants to talk openly with his sons about sex, sexuality, and pornography before they encounter it on a device.
Pat reflects on the joy of learning how to handle the demands of fatherhood and marriage without losing sight of the people he loves.
On Marc LaFleur’s podcast, Pat talks about working on the example he sets and how small changes can affect the children watching him.
Pat shares his son’s unexpected response to a handwritten note and considers small ways fathers can reach out to their kids.
Pat describes listening to his son’s objections on a family surf trip and appreciating that he was willing to speak up.
Pat invites dads who want to talk about a parenting concern to have a more personal conversation through direct messages.
Pat encourages parents to say yes when a young child asks to help, even if the task will take longer or make a mess.
Pat describes showing his kids more than one side of a difficult question and explaining how he reached his own view.
Pat reflects on how wanting his children to have a better example gives him a strong reason to work through difficult changes.
Pat makes the case for giving children room to explore, make mistakes, and recover as they develop independence.
Pat credits his wife with nudging him to say yes to travel, hikes, and spontaneous beach days with their children.
Pat shares old footage of a son learning to throw knives alongside his older brother and reflects on differences in coordination and readiness.
Pat asks viewers to consider which of three priorities deserves the most attention in fatherhood.
Pat shares a favorite clip from his family’s 2017 world trip and laughs about the rivalry his sons still have.
Pat encourages families to get outdoors and give kids room to explore, get muddy, and learn from the terrain around them.
A weekend check-in where Pat invites fathers to reach out if they want to talk or share what they are working through.
Pat credits Rory McKernan for shaping his goal of raising children who can make good decisions for themselves.
Pat reflects on his “Harder to Kill, Easier to Love” motto as a reminder to develop strength and remain open to others.
Pat shares the payoff of collecting tools for years and waiting until his boys were ready to ask to work with him at the forge.
Pat reflects on discovering that his son thought he knew better and adjusting how he communicated once he understood that.
Pat describes modeling a skill, waiting for a child’s interest, and giving them a chance to try as a route to confidence.
Pat discusses how each child needs a different amount and kind of attention and why time together depends on the family’s circumstances.
Pat encourages flexibility around feeding children and describes modeling a healthier relationship with food as a place to start.
Pat checks in after time away from social media and shares how work on his property’s retreat space has been taking up his attention.
Pat makes the case for naming what people do well and speaking up calmly when their actions hurt themselves or others.
Pat explains why loving fatherhood and wanting to share what works in his family led him to speak about it.
Pat reacts to a parenting message he believes misses what fathers owe their children.
Pat reflects on his own work to model both strength and kindness for the boys he is raising.
Pat invites fathers to reach out privately if they are more comfortable sharing what they are dealing with that way.
Pat discusses making blacksmithing part of a future fatherhood retreat and why working with metal feels meaningful to him.
Pat encourages parents to talk with their children about what they believe about food and give those choices some thought early.
Pat responds to a clip about children and screens and reflects on how adults choose to use technology around their kids.
Pat encourages dads to take ownership of diaper changes and enjoy doing that piece of caregiving well.
A brief fatherhood reflection about finding balance, with a reference to The Way of Kings.
Pat reflects on how fortunate he feels in his marriage and in the family life he and his wife share.
Pat shares how eager his youngest is to join in what he and his wife are doing and the care that takes when he tries too much.
Pat asks other parents what value they see in using baby talk and invites them to share a different view.
A clip from the International Parenting Podcast about how an involved father can help a child build confidence and feel secure.
Pat looks back on 12 years of life with his boys and reflects on the family and sibling relationships that have grown in that time.
A preview of Pat’s International Parenting Podcast conversation about the outcomes he hopes to work toward as an intentional father.
Pat asks what limits parents can set around children’s internet use while the larger debate about regulation continues.
Pat reflects on a father-son clip and encourages dads to offer their kids time, attention, and direct expressions of love.
Pat describes asking why a boundary exists so the limits he sets have a clear purpose for his children.
Pat explains the connect-and-redirect idea from The Whole-Brain Child and how he has used a similar approach with his kids.
Pat reflects on the value of telling the truth when it is difficult and on teaching honesty by practicing it around children.
Pat responds to questions about whether his $5 No Yell Challenge gives his children an incentive to provoke him and explains how he set the rules.
Pat describes unconditional love and support as a foundation children can draw on when adult life gets difficult.
Pat reflects on teaching appropriate caution while helping children build enough confidence to face unfamiliar situations.
Pat explains his family’s approach to swearing, including how intent, the people around you, and the setting can change what is appropriate.
Pat explains how children notice the gap between a parent’s instructions and behavior and asks fathers to model what they want to teach.
Pat describes using his No Yell Challenge to practice holding a boundary and disciplining his children with a calmer response.
Pat describes loving discipline as showing children how their choices affect others and giving them a chance to take responsibility.
Pat explains why he answers children’s questions about death honestly, including where their food comes from and what they see outdoors.
Pat credits Rory McKernan for teaching him to aim for children who can make good decisions on their own.
Using Marcus Aurelius as a prompt, Pat reflects on the example and attention he can offer his children through everyday parenting.
Pat explains how he invites his children to train with him and models choosing difficult physical work even when it is less appealing.
Pat talks about setting firm limits on children’s social media access and holding those boundaries calmly.
Pat discusses meeting a family’s practical needs and making room for the relationships that help them feel loved.
Pat talks about how parents can use their different strengths to support each other and give their children a fuller example.
Pat shares a reminder from @save.your.sons about giving children time and attention so they feel your love.
Pat encourages dads to keep caring for their babies through the early months while the bond has time to grow.
Pat speaks about miscarriage and encourages fathers to share what the loss feels like with people who can support them.
Pat shares words from @save.your.sons that influence how he thinks about the long-term example he sets as a father.
Pat describes unexpectedly enjoying the work of stacking firewood with his four kids as they get ready for winter.
Pat reflects on giving children a steady experience of unconditional love they can draw on as they grow.
Pat looks back on the house projects Taz took on before each baby arrived and shares the humor he finds in the pattern.
Pat talks about when he hands his kids a phone and how he balances teaching them to use technology with setting limits.
Pat shares how he keeps discussions of politics, sex, religion, and other hard subjects concrete and appropriate to a child’s level.
Pat explains why a consequence should fit the behavior and why it matters to own it when your reaction goes too far.
Pat and Taz discuss how children can hear an intense tone as anger and how changing delivery can build more trust.
Pat shares why he prefers to give younger children more time for play, curiosity, and exploration before involving them in complex political topics.
Pat discusses how saying no can give children boundaries they can learn to make decisions within.
Pat talks about aligning his actions with what he says and modeling that kind of honesty for his children.
Pat uses a hammer and a screw to illustrate why parents benefit from having several ways to respond to different situations.
Pat compares three parenting options and explains why he favors the first for younger kids and allows more flexibility as they get older.
Pat explores how gentle parenting can include love, guidance, and clear boundaries children can rely on.
Pat discusses being able to solve everyday problems and use physical strength to help or protect the people who depend on him.
Pat reflects on growing up with divorced parents and how that shapes the effort he puts into keeping his children close to their grandparents.
Pat encourages parents to express love directly, include their kids in what they do, and make time to be together.
Pat describes telling his kids how he feels so they can understand what is going on and learn to talk about their own emotions.
Pat explains how letting children help, explore, and test their limits can give their natural curiosity and independence room to develop.
Pat corrects a signup detail and explains why the platform required a $1 charge for the private fatherhood community at that time.
The speaker discusses rebuilding a sense of identity after divorce and adjusting to spending less time with his children day to day.
Pat explains how he gives his children supervised chances to learn and builds trust according to what each child can handle.
Pat shares how two undistracted hours with his children can give him a chance to be fully present and connect.
Pat describes wanting to raise capable, independent sons who grow up to value the relationship they have built with him.
Pat discusses letting children explore within manageable risks so both parents and kids can learn what they can handle.
Pat reflects on how a parent’s willingness to say no gives children a chance to learn responsibility, values, and self-control.
Pat shares how he and his wife divide tasks such as cooking and bedtime by strength and step in for each other when needed.
Pat talks about loving and including children while helping them understand that other people have needs and lives of their own.
Pat reflects on sharing parenting work in a way that makes use of what each partner is good at.
Pat considers how allowing a child some freedom to take small risks can help them learn judgment and build trust with a parent.
Pat talks about giving children unconditional love and holding them to clear boundaries at the same time.
Pat asks fathers to notice how their everyday treatment of other people becomes part of what their kids learn from them.
Pat reflects on how parenting has changed him as a friend, spouse, and leader, and on the role his circumstances play in that experience.
Pat argues that room for early mistakes can help children gain judgment before they face bigger decisions on their own.
Pat discusses giving kids chances to struggle, solve problems, and discover what they are able to do for themselves.
Pat urges fathers to set their phones down and give their children more of their attention during time together.
Pat shares a clip of a three-year-old chopping wood and reflects on giving children opportunities to practice real skills.
Pat discusses teaching kids to make good choices by building trust and helping them understand the reasons for a rule.
Pat asks prospective parents to consider their health, stress management, values, and connection alongside money when deciding if they are ready for children.
Pat discusses how growing up with siblings gives children everyday practice sharing, adapting, and making room for other people.
Pat encourages fathers to be deliberate about the choices their children see and the example those choices set.
A family discussion about growing up with siblings, being an only child, and what regular time with siblings can teach.
Pat reflects on how family life changed as they went from one child to four and what he and his wife learned along the way.
Pat discusses how hovering over children can limit their chances to build skills and learn to handle risks.
Pat encourages parents to let children help with ordinary tasks even when doing it alone would be faster.
Pat reflects on giving the most important parts of marriage and family life a level of effort that matches their importance.
Pat asks dads to consider whether their children will remember them as a hero, a villain, or someone who was absent.
Pat discusses why adults’ own difficulty moderating device use informs the boundaries he thinks children need.
Pat reflects on loving his children’s mother deeply as one way to show up well for the whole family.
Pat considers when fear leads parents to overprotect and how manageable risks can give children practice looking after themselves.
Pat asks parents to look at the behavior they model and consider what their children are learning from it.
Pat uses a story about Marcus Aurelius and his son to reflect on how he can be present, loving, and worth following as a dad.
Pat talks about holding limits around sweets, screens, and video games even when saying yes would be easier in the moment.
A brief fatherhood reflection on taking responsibility for your actions and being honest about what you need to change.
Pat reflects on giving a child an apology its own space and coming back to the teaching moment later.
Pat reflects on the importance of fatherhood and the responsibility he sees in the role.
Pat encourages fathers to lead intentionally, examine the reasons for their choices, and give themselves room to learn from mistakes.
Pat shares Taz training with their boys and her belief in helping them get moving early and keep at it as they grow.
Choose your focus